Friday, February 13, 2009

The Fatman Scoop Chronicles: Musical Chairs

I moved. No, I take that back. I was told I had to leave. I was given two days to pack up all my ish and move out. I found some spare boxes around the way and quickly filled them with all of my belongings. As I sat there with my life packed away in boxes, waiting for movers to come help me move, I was told I had to do it all by myself. So I rolled up my sleeves and pushed my own file cabinets down the hall and around the corner to my new cubicle.

I wasn’t the only one forced to leave. Four other people were uprooted as well. Why? Because Slim moved into our neighborhood. My boss showed me the top secret floor plan that he and the other upper management bigwigs came up with. It was a nicely drawn up diagram with squares that represented people’s cubicles and little numbers that displayed each cubical’s dimensions and layout. Although he tried to tell me the purpose of the move was to get everyone who worked together closer to one another, I knew better. In actuality, the purpose of the plan was to move Slim as far away from everyone as possible. This is how it all went down:

Slim was moved to the cubicle next to Jane and across from me, Suzy and a consultant.

Suzy moved 2 cubicles down to get further away from Slim.

Jane moved to Becka’s cubicle.

Becka moved back to the cubicle she left because it was two spots down from Slim and she couldn’t take the smell. (She’s glad to be back in her old neighborhood.)

The consultant was moved to a new “permanent” home.

The lounge area that’s located across from where Slim sits now has been turned into a storage room.

I was moved to the cubicle next to where Slim used to sit.

When Slim vacated his old cubicle, it instantly turned into a tourist attraction. As folks made their way down the hall, they would purposely slow their roll just to get a peek inside. “It’s disgusting in here,” one woman whispered. “Who are they going to put in here now?” another man wondered. “No one’s going to want to work inside of there” everyone agreed. “I sure hope they pull this carpet up and rebuild this cubicle from scratch. This is just horrible,” another woman protested as she turned her nose up and walked away. Truth is, his cubicle was everything they said – and more. I swear I thought I was going to come to work the next day to find it roped off with yellow caution tape. Yes, it was that bad. Instead, I came to work to find it spotless. The carpet was clean, (I'm not so sure if they pulled it up. This is a recession), the desk was sparkling and the phone and chair were replaced.

As for Slim, well, I hear he still smells. In fact, the people who use the hallway by where he sits now have started to complain. Poor Slim, he just can’t catch a break. What’s more, he is beginning to drive people crazy outside of work as well. When I first began to blog about Slim, I felt bad. But it’s becoming more and more apparent that others find him to be blog-worthy as well.

Oh, and as for Slim’s old cubical; a new hire will be occupying that space in about a week or so. What she doesn’t know won’t hurt her. And what we do know will make for even more comical, workplace banter.

To Be Continued…

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